College and Covid ~ #BacktoSchool2020 Stress and Anxiety

August of 2020 was always going to be an emotional time for me.  Our older son would head to off to his senior year of college, and our younger son would begin his freshman year...we'd be "empty nesters" for the first time in 21 years.  

But I could never have imagined this scenario.  In March, as schools began shutting down, I saw all the plans for college visits for my younger son vanish.  We crossed an entire Spring Break trip of "Accepted Students Day" events off our calendar.  Senior year of high school was a wash, along with all the fun social activities that bond the class, reward their efforts, and create memories.

We made the best choice we could in terms of which school to attend, hoping--perhaps naively--that by summer, things would be better, and visits could at least be made during orientation.

That, of course, didn't happen.  Virtual orientation and trying to register with little guidance was confusing and stressful.

A "Gap Year" for our rising freshman was discussed...again, with very little information to go on.  The constant uncertainty has made every decision fraught with sickening stress...how can we weigh the options, when every single day brings changes?  With travel limited, jobs difficult to come by, and our community college offering online classes only, a Gap Year didn't seem like a good idea.  Just being away from any type of classroom and peer group since March was taking its toll.

We still imagined a college experience with roommates, events, and face-to-face classes in the fall, at that point.  But every day, we took a hit to those expectations.  At the school we chose, he won't be given a roommate, there won't be live events to help freshmen connect and socialize, and most classes are now online.  The fatigue of constantly waiting for disappointing news has worn us all down, not to mention made us doubt all the decisions we've made since this began.

I'm not trying to compare my stress and sadness to someone who has suffered from Covid, or lost a loved one.  I'm grateful we've remained healthy, and I understand the choices being made by schools are designed to keep the students and staff healthy.  But I can't stop thinking of the mental health costs, the tuition costs compared to the educational experience, the social obstacles, and the loss of important moments and milestones.  And of course I worry about sending my kids at all, during a pandemic.  But I have to trust they will take precautions while also finding a way to make the best of the situation.

The two different colleges our sons are going to are handling things very differently, as they are located in different parts of the country.  And on social media, I see moms of all ages sharing similar news of different counties doing different things, and similar concerns about how they are going to handle their unique situations. 

There are no easy choices, and no easy answers.  So I'm sending support to all the parents wrestling with these decisions, and trying to have faith that we've done the best we can, given the circumstances.  

Now, back to packing...and then diving into a book, because getting lost in a good story has always been a proven stress reliever for me.  In fact, with the amount of stress I'm feeling, I'm doing two books right now...one on Kindle, and one on Audible as I walk or fold laundry.  If anyone has a recommendation for a page-turning read, I'd love to hear it...we have long car rides ahead in the next few weeks as we step into this new phase of our lives. 

Doing my best to take things day-by-day...but getting lost in a
fictional world now and then is a relief!